Category: Abide – Spiritual Journey – John 15
By the winter of 2012, my life was a complete mess. I’d been raped, lost my friends, and was trying to get out of another abusive relationship. My business was on the rocks and I was drinking too much. Everything I thought I could keep together wasn’t working. It had always worked before, but this time, nothing I seemed to do pulled this vast mess into shape.
I had nowhere else to go so I went to church. After all, don’t we usually turn to God when the chips are down? I felt like a hypocrite though—an interloper. I’d told God years earlier, about 2005, that I didn’t need Him. In fact, on one drunken night, sitting in my dining room, I’d called Him out. Yes, I challenged God, “If you are there…if you really can help me, then talk to me. Just say or do something.”
Nothing, of course. Thinking back now, I imagine God in heaven, looking down at angry little me and thinking, “Dear one, this will not end well, but I love you enough to let you go.”
When I consider my ultimatum, I know I turned from God because I wanted to do it my way. I’ve always felt a strong Spiritual connection and I’d always felt guilt when doing the “wrong” thing. I simply could not stay committed to God or even really acknowledge Him in my life and then do the things I knew He would not want me to do so I left Him that day in my dining room.
Coming back in 2012 was a big deal. No matter the stage in my life, I always held integrity and I am not a half-measure person. I was either in or out. That February day, I picked in and my life has been a whirlwind ever since. There’s so much change, so much adventure, so many blessings—new rewards and perspective. It’s simply been amazing. It’s been a beautiful little miracle. I’ve created this blog to share some of it with you and to maybe make your journey a little brighter.
I now believe, without any doubt or reservation, that God brought me through all that craziness to bless me with greater compassion and understanding. I see now that He plucked me out of that mess I’d created so I could walk with Him in the utmost confidence that this is where I belong, and if you are reading this, at this exact moment, then this is where you belong too. Come rest with us…
Prayer for our Soldiers
Praying over the City at Nina’s Coffee Cafe. August 10, 2018 · Saint Paul · I haven’t been on my normal schedule this week for a variety of reasons, all good. My favorite day was Wednesday. I was scheduled to serve lunch at the Union Gospel Mission with a youth group from a churchRead More
Beautiful Artwork Psalm 139:13-18
Praying over the City at Nina’s Coffee Cafe. August 6, 2018 · Saint Paul · They say beauty is in the in the eye of the beholder. That applies, most certainly, to the beauty in artwork. These are interesting, but you won’t find them hanging in my home. (Now, one of you is boundRead More
Caught in a Storm Isaiah 45:8
Praying over the City at Bread & Chocolate. August 5, 2018 · Saint Paul · Last Friday when I left the gym, I was struck by a downpour. It did not start that way. When I got to the gym, it was overcast, but no rain. As I was working out, I thought IRead More
The Clouds Brighten Our Skies
Praying over the City at Cathedral of Saint Paul, National Shrine of the Apostle Paul. August 3, 2018 On my ride today, I finally got a peek at a sunrise. The pink on the horizon encouraged me the entire ride. It’s a big part of the reason I started riding soRead More
Make Me Like You Romans 12:1-2
Praying over the City at Nina’s Coffee Cafe. August 2, 2018 A new view today. This is taken on Selby Avenue on the corner of Western. After my ride to the Cathedral, I normally stop at Nina’s to study the Bible and do a bit of writing. When you see myRead More
God’s Grandeur
Praying over the City at JS Bean Factory. August 1, 2018 I am so grateful I captured this picture yesterday as I was leaving the Cathedral. With today’s rain, I didn’t bike, and I certainly cannot see the skies. Unsure if you can see it, but the moon, in broad daylight,Read More
Giving It to God
Praying over the City at Cathedral of Saint Paul, National Shrine of the Apostle Paul. July 31, 2018 This morning I kept up with the “big” bikers! LOL! You know, the peeps with the bike shorts and the shirts that make them look like they are in a race. Yes, oneRead More
Saying Goodbye with Grace
Praying over the City. Saint Paul, MN July 30, 2018 Yesterday evening, Lauren drove off to head back home to Grand Forks. After she left here, she went to a friend’s house to say goodbye to them too–high school friends she hardly sees. All of this got me thinking of how manyRead More