Category: Abide – Spiritual Journey – John 15

By the winter of 2012, my life was a complete mess. I’d been raped, lost my friends, and was trying to get out of another abusive relationship. My business was on the rocks and I was drinking too much. Everything I thought I could keep together wasn’t working. It had always worked before, but this time, nothing I seemed to do pulled this vast mess into shape.

I had nowhere else to go so I went to church. After all, don’t we usually turn to God when the chips are down? I felt like a hypocrite though—an interloper. I’d told God years earlier, about 2005, that I didn’t need Him. In fact, on one drunken night, sitting in my dining room, I’d called Him out. Yes, I challenged God, “If you are there…if you really can help me, then talk to me. Just say or do something.”

Nothing, of course. Thinking back now, I imagine God in heaven, looking down at angry little me and thinking, “Dear one, this will not end well, but I love you enough to let you go.”

When I consider my ultimatum, I know I turned from God because I wanted to do it my way. I’ve always felt a strong Spiritual connection and I’d always felt guilt when doing the “wrong” thing. I simply could not stay committed to God or even really acknowledge Him in my life and then do the things I knew He would not want me to do so I left Him that day in my dining room.

Coming back in 2012 was a big deal. No matter the stage in my life, I always held integrity and I am not a half-measure person. I was either in or out. That February day, I picked in and my life has been a whirlwind ever since. There’s so much change, so much adventure, so many blessings—new rewards and perspective. It’s simply been amazing. It’s been a beautiful little miracle. I’ve created this blog to share some of it with you and to maybe make your journey a little brighter.

I now believe, without any doubt or reservation, that God brought me through all that craziness to bless me with greater compassion and understanding. I see now that He plucked me out of that mess I’d created so I could walk with Him in the utmost confidence that this is where I belong, and if you are reading this, at this exact moment, then this is where you belong too.  Come rest with us…

 
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Getting It Together Genesis 16:16 and 17:1

Praying Over The City South Saint Paul, Minnesota I didn’t get up for my ride this morning. The alarm went off, then I hit snooze to my three limit and rolled over again. I’m bummed about it but trying hard to not get too down on myself. This has a toughRead More

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Settling In John 11:36-37

Praying Over The City at Kaposia Landing. I finally got up in time to see the sunrise. Without any clouds this morning, it wasn’t filled with the vibrant hues that are preferred, but heck, we both made it and that, in an of itself, is a blessing. The other thing lackingRead More

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Stomping Grounds John 6:28

Praying Over the City at Roots Roasting Today I am in my old stomping grounds—the neighborhood I left in May when I went on a search of the living arrangements God had in store for me. The journey was very interesting. He (She) opened my eyes to so much. That allRead More

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Birthday Wish

This was posted on my standard Facebook profile the day after my birthday. I hope it offers some of you who have been in hurtful or abusive relationships the courage to move on. You are worth it. Very, very worth it. You deserve only people who love and cherish youRead More

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It’s Hard to See John 9:1-12

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) I’ve been thinking a lot about these rides to the Cathedral. Actually, I’ve been considering the power of this building to calm me—to center me—to help me breathe in the Spiritual connection to our Creator. This has becomeRead More

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Back in Italy Ecclesiastes 1:14

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) I hit the Cathedral steps this morning and with my back to the sun, I was catapulted back to Italy. The temperature, the humidity—the complete sensation was like many a morning I spent in the homeland of myRead More

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Simple Reminders John 1:14

Praying Over the City at Dunning Field. This morning I got a late start (again :)). Granted, I was up early enough, but jumped into my standard work before taking off on my ride and I’m glad I did. Just moments before capturing this picture, I witnessed a young man, dressed inRead More

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I Can See You John 8:1-11

Praying Over the City at Golden Thyme on Selby This morning I got up early and hoped to beat the sun to the steps of the Cathedral. When I arrived, there was an exercise class pounding away, up and down, on the large set of steps in the front. Without myRead More

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The Long Way Home John 6:16-21

 Cathedral of Saint Paul, National Shrine of the Apostle Paul Yesterday, my ride took me on a different journey. I had some pressing work to complete, so when I woke, I jumped right into that and postponed my biking until later morning. Meeting a couple of friends on West 7thRead More

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Faith Filled Hypocrisy John 7:24

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN). The sun this morning was stunning. The picture does not capture the red fury that was in the sky. I tried to zoom in, but still the electrifying boldness was tempered by the lens. What further marked theRead More