Category: Abide – Spiritual Journey – John 15

By the winter of 2012, my life was a complete mess. I’d been raped, lost my friends, and was trying to get out of another abusive relationship. My business was on the rocks and I was drinking too much. Everything I thought I could keep together wasn’t working. It had always worked before, but this time, nothing I seemed to do pulled this vast mess into shape.

I had nowhere else to go so I went to church. After all, don’t we usually turn to God when the chips are down? I felt like a hypocrite though—an interloper. I’d told God years earlier, about 2005, that I didn’t need Him. In fact, on one drunken night, sitting in my dining room, I’d called Him out. Yes, I challenged God, “If you are there…if you really can help me, then talk to me. Just say or do something.”

Nothing, of course. Thinking back now, I imagine God in heaven, looking down at angry little me and thinking, “Dear one, this will not end well, but I love you enough to let you go.”

When I consider my ultimatum, I know I turned from God because I wanted to do it my way. I’ve always felt a strong Spiritual connection and I’d always felt guilt when doing the “wrong” thing. I simply could not stay committed to God or even really acknowledge Him in my life and then do the things I knew He would not want me to do so I left Him that day in my dining room.

Coming back in 2012 was a big deal. No matter the stage in my life, I always held integrity and I am not a half-measure person. I was either in or out. That February day, I picked in and my life has been a whirlwind ever since. There’s so much change, so much adventure, so many blessings—new rewards and perspective. It’s simply been amazing. It’s been a beautiful little miracle. I’ve created this blog to share some of it with you and to maybe make your journey a little brighter.

I now believe, without any doubt or reservation, that God brought me through all that craziness to bless me with greater compassion and understanding. I see now that He plucked me out of that mess I’d created so I could walk with Him in the utmost confidence that this is where I belong, and if you are reading this, at this exact moment, then this is where you belong too.  Come rest with us…


The Joy of Exercise John 15:9-11

Why am I not the sort of person who wants to exercise? Please don’t get me wrong, I want to exercise. I love the feeling, but this morning, like so many others, I woke up and rolled over instead. Maybe what I should say is, “Why do I like toRead More


Real Community– John 15:1-2

 Praying Over The City at McIver Center October 1, 2019 · Wayzata ·  I went on a Spiritual retreat this weekend and felt so disconnected. I felt God there, and as we’d sit in a circle, focusing on various methods of prayer and meditation, I felt both connected to God and the other participants. MealtimesRead More


Why Can’t They See – John 12:39-43

Yesterday a friend posted a parallel between a football player accused of rape and Kaepernick for taking a knee. The commonality is both would not be playing. The VAST difference between these two men—one was trying to help people, the other accused of hurting someone. Yet in the eyes ofRead More


We Are All Teachers—Psalm 139:23-24

This past Sunday at church, while the worship leader honored all the educators in the room, he said, “We are all teachers.” This immediately hit me. Not to take away from the hard work from our educators who sacrifice diligently for the young minds they are helping to develop. Serious—IRead More


Getting It Together Genesis 16:16 and 17:1

Praying Over The City South Saint Paul, Minnesota August 8, 2019 I didn’t get up for my ride this morning. The alarm went off, then I hit snooze to my three limit and rolled over again. I’m bummed about it but trying hard to not get too down on myself. ThisRead More


Settling In John 11:36-37

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Stomping Grounds John 6:28

Praying Over the City at Roots Roasting July 31, 2019 Today I am in my old stomping grounds—the neighborhood I left in May when I went on a search of the living arrangements God had in store for me. The journey was very interesting. He (She) opened my eyes to soRead More


Birthday Wish

July 26, 2019 This was posted on my standard Facebook profile the day after my birthday. I hope it offers some of you who have been in hurtful or abusive relationships the courage to move on. You are worth it. Very, very worth it. You deserve only people who loveRead More


It’s Hard to See John 9:1-12

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) I’ve been thinking a lot about these rides to the Cathedral. Actually, I’ve been considering the power of this building to calm me—to center me—to help me breathe in the Spiritual connection to our Creator. This has becomeRead More


Back in Italy Ecclesiastes 1:14

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) I hit the Cathedral steps this morning and with my back to the sun, I was catapulted back to Italy. The temperature, the humidity—the complete sensation was like many a morning I spent in the homeland of myRead More