Category: Transformed – Healing and Renewal – Romans 12

When my friends abandoned me after my rape, I just couldn’t seem to get my bearings. I was going to church, building a new friendship group, and studying His Word. I was trying to pull things back together and to heal, but something was missing—it didn’t quite work. My friends had been my world. More than my family, they had been my source of strength. I was trying to make that new Power God, Jesus Christ, but it wasn’t quite working so I sought out therapy.

What my therapist did for me, I can never explain. She validated me. She gave a voice to my pain. She was the first person who clearly, without wavering, told me I’d been wronged. First by my rapist, next by my friends. She illuminated how I was gaining my identity from others around me and until I got that identity from God, I really couldn’t heal.

She asked me, “What is your identity in Christ?” I rattled off a bunch of things—He loves me. I’m His creation—uniquely made—blah, blah, blah. I knew these things in my head. The problem was I didn’t feel it. What I found was I had to remove the things from my life that were blocking me from the Healing Power of our Creator.

I started changing things in my life, or really, He started moving me to where I needed to be. I began exercising and while doing so, listening to some of the best preachers and inspirational messages. I was like a sponge and it started to fill me. I quit smoking. That was a tough one. I took me two years and MANY quit attempts to let that go.

Then came the drinking. This one I did not want to let go. In fact, I would pray, “Lord, I know you want me to give this up (I felt the pull), but please, not yet.” Now that I’m free of it, I look back and I don’t know why I hung onto it. It was miserable drinking. I’d routinely go too far, stay up too late, and ruin the next day with a horrible hangover. It came between me and my kids—it was this sick vacation to hell—and this was the final block I had to let go to truly let God in. Maybe in future blogs I’ll share the story of this transition.

Now, today, I can feel God’s influence in my life like never before. When asked, “What is your identity in Christ?” I can’t come up with the words because it’s a feeling. It’s a confidence, a perspective, an understanding that defies reason. I am renewed, restored, and now God can really come in to help heal me. The healing isn’t done. It’s a process—probably life long. Part of that healing is in this writing. Come with us…

 
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Getting It Together Genesis 16:16 and 17:1

Praying Over The City South Saint Paul, Minnesota I didn’t get up for my ride this morning. The alarm went off, then I hit snooze to my three limit and rolled over again. I’m bummed about it but trying hard to not get too down on myself. This has a toughRead More

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Birthday Wish

This was posted on my standard Facebook profile the day after my birthday. I hope it offers some of you who have been in hurtful or abusive relationships the courage to move on. You are worth it. Very, very worth it. You deserve only people who love and cherish youRead More

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Power Perfected in Willingness John 5:5-9

Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) It’s overcast today. It kept me in bed longer than I would have liked and since I have a number of errands this morning, a bit worried about when the rain might hit. It has a habit ofRead More

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Back in Business – Genesis 2:2-4

Praying Over the City at Nina’s Coffee Cafe. May 11, 2019 · Saint Paul It has been a long road—and winter, but this morning, I finally made it back to the Cathedral for “sunrise”. I place the quotation marks around sunrise because I was a little late. I woke, I snoozed, and IRead More

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Guard Your Heart – Proverbs 4:23

Last night I had a dream of an old friend who hurt me very much. In the dream, like others I’ve had with her in it, my best friend from years ago has plans with me. We are to see each other at a party or a gathering, and justRead More

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Spring Cleaning – Jeremiah 29:11-13

Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. It’s also a time for cleaning. When the birds start chirping and the temps start rising, it’s time to open the windows, let the fresh breeze in, and begin the spring cleaning. Let’s be honest here, no one really likes to digRead More

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Facing Trials — James 1:2-4

Praying Over the City at Roots Roasting March 4, 2019 This is my view today as I write. The car is mine. I hope to get it washed today, and I wish the ride was my bike instead. I miss my bike. That buried bike post is a sad reminderRead More

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Who is God? Luke 22:31-32

Praying over the City in Saint Paul, Minnesota. January 8, 2019 This, by far, was my favorite Christmas card. I received others I truly loved with wonderful updates, but this became my favorite because of the vast representations of our Creator. The global love. The unity of praise. People all overRead More

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His Purpose Prevails – Proverbs 19:21

Praying Over the City at Caribou Coffee (757 Grand Avenue, St. Paul, MN). December 31, 2018 I woke early to get to the gym to find all the lights off. I understand it’s New Year’s Eve, but it’s not yet the holiday, right? A closure on the first of the yearRead More

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Who is the Greatest? Luke 22:7-30

Praying over the City in Saint Paul, Minnesota. December 23, 2018 Today I’m writing from my home office neatly tucked into the sunroom. There’s a lot going on and crammed in this small space. In fact, that daybed was where I slept last night. When the kids are home, IRead More