Category: Abide – Spiritual Journey – John 15
By the winter of 2012, my life was a complete mess. I’d been raped, lost my friends, and was trying to get out of another abusive relationship. My business was on the rocks and I was drinking too much. Everything I thought I could keep together wasn’t working. It had always worked before, but this time, nothing I seemed to do pulled this vast mess into shape.
I had nowhere else to go so I went to church. After all, don’t we usually turn to God when the chips are down? I felt like a hypocrite though—an interloper. I’d told God years earlier, about 2005, that I didn’t need Him. In fact, on one drunken night, sitting in my dining room, I’d called Him out. Yes, I challenged God, “If you are there…if you really can help me, then talk to me. Just say or do something.”
Nothing, of course. Thinking back now, I imagine God in heaven, looking down at angry little me and thinking, “Dear one, this will not end well, but I love you enough to let you go.”
When I consider my ultimatum, I know I turned from God because I wanted to do it my way. I’ve always felt a strong Spiritual connection and I’d always felt guilt when doing the “wrong” thing. I simply could not stay committed to God or even really acknowledge Him in my life and then do the things I knew He would not want me to do so I left Him that day in my dining room.
Coming back in 2012 was a big deal. No matter the stage in my life, I always held integrity and I am not a half-measure person. I was either in or out. That February day, I picked in and my life has been a whirlwind ever since. There’s so much change, so much adventure, so many blessings—new rewards and perspective. It’s simply been amazing. It’s been a beautiful little miracle. I’ve created this blog to share some of it with you and to maybe make your journey a little brighter.
I now believe, without any doubt or reservation, that God brought me through all that craziness to bless me with greater compassion and understanding. I see now that He plucked me out of that mess I’d created so I could walk with Him in the utmost confidence that this is where I belong, and if you are reading this, at this exact moment, then this is where you belong too. Come rest with us…
Simple Reminders John 1:14
Praying Over the City at Dunning Field. This morning I got a late start (again :)). Granted, I was up early enough, but jumped into my standard work before taking off on my ride and I’m glad I did. Just moments before capturing this picture, I witnessed a young man, dressed inRead More
I Can See You John 8:1-11
Praying Over the City at Golden Thyme on Selby This morning I got up early and hoped to beat the sun to the steps of the Cathedral. When I arrived, there was an exercise class pounding away, up and down, on the large set of steps in the front. Without myRead More
Power Perfected in Willingness John 5:5-9
Praying Over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN) It’s overcast today. It kept me in bed longer than I would have liked and since I have a number of errands this morning, a bit worried about when the rain might hit. It has a habit ofRead More
Bring on the Light John 1:4-5
Praying over the City at Golden Thyme on Selby. I didn’t quite make it for sunrise, but this morning, I was awfully darn close. I was up before the alarm, rolled over, and then thought, “I might be able to arrive with the sun at the steps of the Cathedral.” NotRead More
Back in Business – Genesis 2:2-4
Praying Over the City at Nina’s Coffee Cafe. May 11, 2019 · Saint Paul It has been a long road—and winter, but this morning, I finally made it back to the Cathedral for “sunrise”. I place the quotation marks around sunrise because I was a little late. I woke, I snoozed, and IRead More
Guard Your Heart – Proverbs 4:23
Last night I had a dream of an old friend who hurt me very much. In the dream, like others I’ve had with her in it, my best friend from years ago has plans with me. We are to see each other at a party or a gathering, and justRead More
Spring Cleaning – Jeremiah 29:11-13
Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. It’s also a time for cleaning. When the birds start chirping and the temps start rising, it’s time to open the windows, let the fresh breeze in, and begin the spring cleaning. Let’s be honest here, no one really likes to digRead More
Time to Move—Deuteronomy 1:6-7
April 5, 2019** I’m sorry that I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve missed it and it’s not that I haven’t wanted to post. Much is going on and writing always connects and grounds me. It helps me process and feel supported. I crave it and for two days,Read More