Category: Abide – Spiritual Journey – John 15
By the winter of 2012, my life was a complete mess. I’d been raped, lost my friends, and was trying to get out of another abusive relationship. My business was on the rocks and I was drinking too much. Everything I thought I could keep together wasn’t working. It had always worked before, but this time, nothing I seemed to do pulled this vast mess into shape.
I had nowhere else to go so I went to church. After all, don’t we usually turn to God when the chips are down? I felt like a hypocrite though—an interloper. I’d told God years earlier, about 2005, that I didn’t need Him. In fact, on one drunken night, sitting in my dining room, I’d called Him out. Yes, I challenged God, “If you are there…if you really can help me, then talk to me. Just say or do something.”
Nothing, of course. Thinking back now, I imagine God in heaven, looking down at angry little me and thinking, “Dear one, this will not end well, but I love you enough to let you go.”
When I consider my ultimatum, I know I turned from God because I wanted to do it my way. I’ve always felt a strong Spiritual connection and I’d always felt guilt when doing the “wrong” thing. I simply could not stay committed to God or even really acknowledge Him in my life and then do the things I knew He would not want me to do so I left Him that day in my dining room.
Coming back in 2012 was a big deal. No matter the stage in my life, I always held integrity and I am not a half-measure person. I was either in or out. That February day, I picked in and my life has been a whirlwind ever since. There’s so much change, so much adventure, so many blessings—new rewards and perspective. It’s simply been amazing. It’s been a beautiful little miracle. I’ve created this blog to share some of it with you and to maybe make your journey a little brighter.
I now believe, without any doubt or reservation, that God brought me through all that craziness to bless me with greater compassion and understanding. I see now that He plucked me out of that mess I’d created so I could walk with Him in the utmost confidence that this is where I belong, and if you are reading this, at this exact moment, then this is where you belong too. Come rest with us…
Ester’s Fearless Inventory — Step 4
STEP 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40 Most of us hesitate at the idea of making a searching and fearless moral inventory. Rationalizations and excuses for avoiding thisRead More
Samson’s Character Defect Makes Him Weak — Step 6
STEP 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10 We find Samson in the book of Judges—a period of time in the Bible where God would send a leader (or judge)Read More
King Nebuchadnezzar is Humbled — Step 7
STEP 7: We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 God did a tremendous work in King Nebuchadnezzar in chapter 4 of the book of Daniel.Read More
Peter Makes Amends — Step 9
STEP 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you; leave your gift there in front of the altar.Read More
A Wise Assessment — 10th Step
STEP 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 1 Corinthians 10:12 When we were in the midst of our addictions and compulsive behaviors, dysfunctional thinking and toxic relationshipsRead More
Strength in Weakness — Step 11
STEP 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. Colossians 3:16 The apostle Paul has a very special place inRead More
Moses has a Spiritual Experience — Step 12
STEP 12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore them gently. But watch yourself, orRead More