Category: Transformed – Healing and Renewal – Romans 12
When my friends abandoned me after my rape, I just couldn’t seem to get my bearings. I was going to church, building a new friendship group, and studying His Word. I was trying to pull things back together and to heal, but something was missing—it didn’t quite work. My friends had been my world. More than my family, they had been my source of strength. I was trying to make that new Power God, Jesus Christ, but it wasn’t quite working so I sought out therapy.
What my therapist did for me, I can never explain. She validated me. She gave a voice to my pain. She was the first person who clearly, without wavering, told me I’d been wronged. First by my rapist, next by my friends. She illuminated how I was gaining my identity from others around me and until I got that identity from God, I really couldn’t heal.
She asked me, “What is your identity in Christ?” I rattled off a bunch of things—He loves me. I’m His creation—uniquely made—blah, blah, blah. I knew these things in my head. The problem was I didn’t feel it. What I found was I had to remove the things from my life that were blocking me from the Healing Power of our Creator.
I started changing things in my life, or really, He started moving me to where I needed to be. I began exercising and while doing so, listening to some of the best preachers and inspirational messages. I was like a sponge and it started to fill me. I quit smoking. That was a tough one. I took me two years and MANY quit attempts to let that go.
Then came the drinking. This one I did not want to let go. In fact, I would pray, “Lord, I know you want me to give this up (I felt the pull), but please, not yet.” Now that I’m free of it, I look back and I don’t know why I hung onto it. It was miserable drinking. I’d routinely go too far, stay up too late, and ruin the next day with a horrible hangover. It came between me and my kids—it was this sick vacation to hell—and this was the final block I had to let go to truly let God in. Maybe in future blogs I’ll share the story of this transition.
Now, today, I can feel God’s influence in my life like never before. When asked, “What is your identity in Christ?” I can’t come up with the words because it’s a feeling. It’s a confidence, a perspective, an understanding that defies reason. I am renewed, restored, and now God can really come in to help heal me. The healing isn’t done. It’s a process—probably life long. Part of that healing is in this writing. Come with us…
Who is the Greatest? Luke 22:7-30
Praying over the City in Saint Paul, Minnesota. December 23, 2018 Today I’m writing from my home office neatly tucked into the sunroom. There’s a lot going on and crammed in this small space. In fact, that daybed was where I slept last night. When the kids are home, IRead More
Jesus Wept – John 11:35
Praying Over the City in Saint Paul, MN December 12, 2018 I did it. I got to the gym earlier today. Not at the time I would have liked, but about 40 minutes earlier than yesterday and with NO groaning. I wanted to get there and start my workout. TheRead More
The War in My Mind – Romans 7:21-23
Praying Over the City, Saint Paul, MN December 11, 2018 This morning I got up and went to the gym. Not on time by any means. I dilly-dallied around the house, leaving after 7 a.m. when I’d have preferred 6:30 a.m. or so. Although I workout, or at least moveRead More
The Righteous Life James 1:19-20
Praying over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN). December 1, 2018 Yesterday I posted a blog, HOW BIG IS YOUR GOD, about a friend’s concern about ill-effects stemming from my practice of yoga. That it could have negative spiritual repercussions. In it I referenced how angryRead More
Accepting Your Emotions Mark 11:12-14
Praying over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN). October 27, 2018 · Saint Paul Yesterday, I sat in this exact same spot. I have become addicted to my bagel and coffee. Plus, it’s a good deal. For what I’d pay just for the coffee atRead More
Mistakes Accepted Luke 9:37-56
Praying over the City at Bruegger’s Bagels (800 Grand Ave, Saint Paul, MN). October 26, 2018 · Saint Paul · Tonight, as I am studying Luke, I get to this section in the 9th chapter between verse 37 and 56 when I am overcome by all the mistakes the disciplesRead More